I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize