I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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