I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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