She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize