Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just crazy horny about you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize