all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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