Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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