I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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