i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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