She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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