i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize