feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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