I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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