This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize