How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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