He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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