Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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