she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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