there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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