We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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