I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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