I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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