That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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