I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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