This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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