Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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