No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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