i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize