If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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