Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize