recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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