glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize