This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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