I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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