I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My pussy is not your playground.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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