He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize