some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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