I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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