my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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