Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize