I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize