How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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