I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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