I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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