All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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