I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize