Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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