i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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