why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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