I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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